Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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