I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
