I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
