I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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