doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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