Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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