If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
