i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
