First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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