I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
