I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize