dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
