I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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