Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
