The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
are you so shy because you have an std?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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