I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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