Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
