Your dad touched me again.
one might say we're banned from that church
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
