I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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