Yo dont text me then not text me
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
where are you?
Hypothermia
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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