remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
