two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
