it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
only you would photoshop your dick
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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