we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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