Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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