If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
