the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
