Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
