I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
