he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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