We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
