I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
