hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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