I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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