Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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