i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I use my feet as sexual weapons
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
