Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
