Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
