I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
