Im at strip club and am horny
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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