we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
