saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
