unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
