Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Is it because I queefed?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
