I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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