am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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