Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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