I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
