it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
