I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I need water and some morals
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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