Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
