Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
