my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
