# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
